Release Me by Wilson Phillips

It was early freshman year.  I was sitting on the quad eating lunch with Mikhaela, Emily, and Katie.  We didn't have open campus, but you were allowed to sit pretty much anywhere you liked at lunchtime.  It wasn't exactly like the movies where every group had a specific table or a spot. At least, I didn't think it was.  There were some big groups of kids, but it was mostly seemed to me to be little groups of 3-6 kids sitting together in various places on campus.  In this story, we were sitting in the northwest corner of the quad, eating our sack lunches.  There were 3 or 4 boys who sat right across from us.  The boys were in the band, like we were, but they were worldly juniors.  I almost certainly had a crush on one of them.  Trumpet players were typically my type.  Sometimes we would talk to them, but we mostly talked ABOUT them.  We were all under the impression that they were talking about us, of course.  

One day they definitely were talking about us or at least they were trying to get our attention.  There was typically music playing over the loudspeakers in the quad, whatever was popular at the time.  The song Release Me by Wilson Phillips was playing.  The boys across from us had created their own lyrics to the song. Instead of singing "I'm just trying to make you see, that baby you've just got to release me" the boys loudly sang:  "I'm just trying to make you see, that baby you've just got to have sex with me".  We giggled of course, but mostly rolled our eyes because it was textbook dumb teenage boy behavior.  It wasn't even clever, it was just dumb.  They certainly got our attention though and that was the point.  What they probably don't know is how memorable it was, since I still cannot listen to that song without hearing their alternate lyrics.  And now, so will you!  Please release me from these lyrics!

You Learn by Alanis Morissette

All the Jennifers

It was my second year in the Cal Band and we were in LA for the annual road trip.  Every year, the full band travels to LA to play either U$C or fUCLA.  Every other away game during football season was SHB (Straw Hat Band) only.  I had oddly decided to do a hot oil treatment for my hair the night before the trip and as a result, I was very uncomfortable with my oily hair for the next few days.  I have never done a hot oil treatment on my hair again.  The first stop in LA was the SoCal Benefit, which is a fundraising event where we would play for generous alumni and eat a fancy dinner.  That year there were six Jennifers in the Band.  To avoid any confusion, no one called any of us Jennifer or Jen(n) or Jenny.  We were JenStout, JenKlein, JennyHo, etc.  My last name was such a part of my identity that when I got divorced, several of my friends said that they never changed my last name in their phones....even after 9 years!  Is it any wonder I switched back to my maiden name.

Part of the LA trip is the excitement of staying in a hotel.  I was rooming with Jen K and possibly Melinda M and Kristin W, although I cannot remember.  I remember we had just settled into our room and turned on the radio to get the party started.  An Alanis song was playing on one station, so we paused because we all recognized the song.  We then started singing along to the most boring, depressing, un-party-like song of all time. At one point we all looked at each other and collectively realized how lame it was and promptly changed the station.

I cannot remember if we won, but I do remember the game being a bit of a disaster because someone threw an apple at the Trojan horse.  U$C fans and students aren't the nicest people, make no bones about it, but I draw the line at intentionally antagonizing an animal.  I must also confess that I do not remember going to a party in someone's hotel room, but I do know that we did because there is photographic evidence of a party in a hotel room with hideous mid-90's artwork.  There is just something fun about being jammed into a hotel room out of town with your friends and the Cal Band was very good at having fun.  So much fun in fact that the trip left us worn out and exhausted, as evidenced by the picture at the end of the trip....the picture that was completely staged because I wanted to wrap up my photo journey of the weekend.  I'm almost positive Jen and I were giggling behind those pillows.

Hangin' Tough by the New Kids on the Block

I have seen the New Kids on the Block in concert 4 times.  I saw them back in 1990 and 3 more times when they came back as grown men (on the block). My sister has of course seen them with me each and every time.  My curly girl Karen has seen them with me twice. Before you ask, yes, they are absolutely the kind of band you need to see more than once.  You may be wondering what makes a New Kids concert so much fun?   I'll tell you! 

Camera phones weren't as sophisticated in 2008

Back in 1990 I was quite literally obsessed.  My room was covered in New Kids posters.  I listened to their albums on repeat.  When I finally saw them in concert, I started crying when they came onstage and didn't stop crying throughout the show.  I was on emotional overload. In fact, when we got to our seats in 2008, my sister turned to me and asked if I was going to start crying again.  I said maybe.  I didn't cry, but I did stand up and jump around and wave my arms back and forth.  It turns out that watching the New Kids in your 30s is a lot like watching the New Kids when you are a tween.  It's all the same people from 1990 doing all the same dance moves and screaming at approximately the same level of ear piercing decibels.  We were even wearing the same clothes.  I had dug out the tshirts I had saved from the 1990 summer tour and the three of us proudly wore them.  After the concert, we spent the night in Karen's guest room in her apartment.  When we woke up, my sister was horrified to find out she had spent the night in a room with Karen's snake.  I could've warned her, but she had teased me about all of the crying.  All's fair in love and sisters, right?

Last year the New Kids went on the Mix Tape tour with a group of artists from the 90s.  The three of us naturally couldn't resist all of the nostalgia.  The show didn't disappoint.  It was like listening to a mix tape.  There were no sets - there were multiple stages and the artists would mix in, even overlapping and mashing things up.  It was as much fun as you would imagine, especially our nostalgic outfits and of course, closing out the show by enthusiastically waving our arm back and forth, blissfully Hangin' Tough with my sister and my curly girl Karen.  

Wonderwall by Oasis

It was the first week of college or maybe it was even the week before classes officially started.  I had walked down to the campus computer store to pick out my computer.  This was in the early days of the internet, pre-online shopping.  I think it was actually the student store. I bought a Mac, or were they still called Apple Computers in 1995?  I bought it, the whole kit and caboodle, and then hopped in a cab to transport several thousand dollars worth of equipment back to my dorm.  What I did not account for was getting the heavy boxes out of the cab and into the dorm.  I wasn't naive enough to think I could leave them in the cab as I ran them back and forth to the dorm.  I was starting to panic, when I saw two people pushing a cart up the street towards my dorm.  The cart was loaded down with the exact same computer I had just purchased!  This person had put some thought into this computer purchase. She graciously helped me transfer my boxes onto her cart and into my dorm room.  That's the story of my meet cute with Pam. 

Pam and I became really close friends for many, many years.  She was (and I'm sure still is) one of the most independent, driven, fiercely motivated people I have ever met.  She became an ambulance medic while going to Cal.  I cannot remember her major, but I want to say it was something in the sciences.  I remember taking an elective or two with her, most notably Music Appreciation.  She was in the Orchestra at Cal and I was in the Cal Band.  We had a ton in common and always had enormous amounts of fun together, complete with so much laughter.  She was in love with the Oasis hit Wonderwall.  I remember walking arm and arm up Bancroft, singing and harmonizing at the top of our lungs, likely embarrassing anyone who knew us.  It was our song and I always think about her when I hear it. 

After graduating from Cal in 4 years, she then got a job with the Oakland Fire Department and became a Paramedic.  We lost touch, but I do know she later moved to SoCal to attend med school and is now an ER Doctor.  I cannot imagine her working in any other capacity.  The song says it better than I ever could and I think anyone she treats should sing it to her: 

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me

And after all, you're my wonderwall

Another Night by the Real McCoy

The Koelner Dom (Cologne Cathedral) is a sight to behold.  You truly cannot comprehend its splendor and height until you are standing right outside, craning your neck up...up...up.  It stands right outside the train station and as you approach, you catch a glimpse, but you literally cannot see the top until you ascend onto the plaza.  There are plenty of buildings that dwarf the Koelner Dom today, but imagine being the designer, in 1322, of this beauty that took well over 200 years to complete, with a 400 year pause until it was finally completed in 1880.  You never lived to see even a fraction of your masterpiece built.  Imagine that this masterpiece was built completely by hand with none of the safety, machinery, and technology available today.  It is a true testament of Catholicism and intimidation.  When you stand next to it, you feel the power of the church, which was entirely the point.  When I saw the Dom for the first time in the summer of 1993, I fell in love.  When I learned that our junior year class trip was to Koeln, I was thrilled!

There we were, 2 classes of German 16-17 year old students, and me, packed into a train, garnished with streamers.  Think school bus, but the actual Deutsche Bahn (German Railroad), aka public transporation.  We were all surprisingly well behaved and arrived in Koeln together and in one piece.  The field trip was a combination of chaperoned and unchaperoned events such as the theater, the art museum, and a trip to a brewery.  That alone speaks to how different this was from an American field trip, but also the freedom we were given throughout.  A few things stand out in my memory. The first was gathering in the famous Frueh Brauhaus (Brewery).  It was a group of boys from our class.... and me.  There was a toast made and it was sweet and I was happy.  There was also an unspoken contest called "Who will end up with the most Koelschglaeser (Koelsch glasses)".  To clarify, these are glasses we stole.  There are 26 varieties of Koelsch, which is a beer brewed in.... you guessed it, Koeln.  It is served in a 0.2ml glass and each variety has their own logo on the glass. The servings size is so cute and perfect, really a tasting.  They continue to serve you until you put your Bierdeckel (coaster, also branded) on top of your glass, indicating you are done.  I ended up with at least 3 glasses, all now sadly broken.

The other memory and purpose of today's story, is of scaling the Dom with my classmates.  There are 533 steps to the top and they wind up a circular staircase with no windows.  It's intense.  We came up with a song to entertain ourselves to the tune of a big hit of 1993:

Another stair, another step, but always down

It's like a vision of circle that seems to go round

Another stair, another step, but always down

In the Dom I think we'll reach the ground.

....And eventually we did!

Somewhere Now by Green Day

I was driving down 680, windshield wipers going, tears pouring down my face.  I was on my way to an appointment with a therapist and it probably wasn’t raining.  The rain simply adds to the drama of the situation, like any good country song, except that it wasn't a country song.  You get my point. 

I had recently ended things with the first steady relationship of sorts I had been in since my divorce.   I say “of sorts” because it wasn’t exclusive (at least for him), which I knew, and we weren’t meant to be in the long term, which I also knew, but it still hurt.  He behaved badly in the end and he later apologized and made up for things.  However in the moment, it really hurt and I did not take it well.  I was also very disappointed because he was supposed to go to the upcoming Green Day show with me and had booked an AirBnB.  It was going to be an epic show held at the UC Theatre, with a capacity of a mere 1,200 people.  I was going to get to see Green Day, in a very small venue, in a town where they wrote several songs.  I was honestly still in shock that I had managed to score the tickets. 

I had been listening to their new album on repeat in anticipation.  That’s how I found myself driving, tears pouring down my face, listening to Somewhere Now.  “I’m on my way to somewhere now…. I don’t want to be.  Where the future and promises … aren’t what it’s meant to be.  I never wanted to compromise or bargain with myself.”  In spite of my current state of misery, I was suddenly struck by the scene.  I could’ve been in a movie at that moment, blubbering and crying and singing in the car about such a sad, sad moment.  It was so very dramatic!  Our heroine sadly didn’t meet the man of her dreams in the waiting room of the therapist’s office… nor did she get pulled over and the handsome cop took pity on her.  She simply went to her appointment at the horrid Kaiser offices in Walnut Creek where she sat in a chair, not even a couch, an uncomfortable chair, and blubbered for about 45 minutes.  She then picked up the pieces of her life and kept going.  Or as the song says: "Hallelujah she found her soul under the sofa pillow!  Congratulations she found her self - Somewhere Now."  She also had the time of her life at the show.  Logan is the world’s best wing woman – together we pulled up our boots (over the knee for her, original Doc’s for me), let down our hair, and rocked out in the pit, close enough to see the band’s facial expressions.  Unforgettable night. 

The Humpty Dance by Digital Underground

"Alright stop what you're doing", I say to my children for not the first time today.  And just like that I am transported back to 7th grade, biting my tongue so I don't continue singing the wholly inappropriate lyrics.  Mind you, the lyrics were no less inappropriate for my 12-year old self.  It's a song about a guy with a big nose who has a lot of sex...in a lot of places....in a lot of positions.  My favorite lyric was about him having sex in a Burger King bathroom.  I'm thankful to say I honestly didn't understand most of the innuendo back then. I grew up naive and am forever grateful that I did.  What I did know was that the song was naughty.

What was even more shocking to me was watching my friend dance to it in my living room.  I remember standing there, mouth likely agape, watching my friend move around in a decidedly sexual and far too mature for us kind of way.  I honestly felt a little uncomfortable watching her because it just felt inappropriate.  I don't know where she learned it - her family didn't have a TV and this was well before the internet.  Perhaps she was already hanging around with older kids.   I don't think it was the actual Humpty Dance, which I can say now with authority because I just googled it.  I also googled "what came before twerking".  I am going to describe what she was doing for you as a combination of freaking and grinding.  To this day these are not dance moves I am capable of pulling off with any hint of seriousness.

Right around the time that song was very popular, I remember being in San Francisco on Pier 39 with my family or maybe on a school field trip.  My dad brags to me that he just saw the Humpty Hump guy.  He said you can't miss the nose.  It would've been a better sell if my dad had said he saw the guy coming out of a Burger King bathroom. Talk about a missed opportunity.  And also, it turns out the big nose was fake - he wore Groucho glasses as part of his alter ego.  Thinking back on all of this, I think it's probably highly unlikely that the Humpty Hump guy would've been wandering around Pier 39, of all places, dressed as his alter ego.  At the time though I chose to believe my dad was just that cool and a keen observer.  In fact, my dad was probably hoping I would go up to him and ask if it was really him. That's my dad's sense of humor in a nutshell.