Womanizer by Britney Spears

I was recently talking to my driver about my semi-serious intention to pursue a side career as a stand up comic. Yes, I have a driver, but before you start thinking I am so very fancy, he is not my personal driver. My company has an agreement with a car service that we can use instead of Uber when we are in Dallas.  The car service only has Teslas, they plant a tree every time you book a ride, and why yes, maybe I am that fancy.  Use eCarra.  They are awesome.  Anyway, back to my career in comedy.  Are you laughing yet? 

My driver asked what my punchline is and I said that I do not have one yet, but my future agent also said I need one.  I started to fret because just like my former blog, not this blog, I worried that I didn’t have a theme, a hook, a voice, whatever you want to call it, I worried that I didn’t have one.  He said I should tell dating stories.  He also said I’m cute enough to pull it off, which I am not sure is completely relevant, but I will take the compliment.  I proceeded to tell him a dating story.  

I once went on a date with a recovering Latter Day Saint.  He asked what on earth that meant and I explained that the guy was from Utah, but no longer part of the church. After our first date, I invited him to take me to a birthday party in Sonoma.  He had a convertible and I thought he would be fun for the day and he generally was.  We had good conversation on the drive up and he was confident enough at a party full of people he had never met.  I like this because it leaves me free to be the social butterfly I am.  On our way back, stopped at a red light in American Canyon, I leaned over to kiss him in the car.  He recoils, horrified, and says that people will see.  I was mystified and asked if he meant the person in the car behind us?  I then turned and waved at the person behind us who waved back.  My date then accused me of being an exhibitionist, noting that I kissed him in front of the car after the party.  Outside the car, where people would see.  THE HORROR.  Apparently this one was still very much a recovering Latter Day Saint and for me, that was a deal breaker.  There are plenty of things I could and would do in public that would shock the hell out of him, but kissing shouldn’t be one of them. 

I’m so distracted by the weirdness that I almost forgot to explain the relevance of the song.  He put some music on in the car.  Not just any music, he played Britney Spears.  You know what, scratch that, we are still in the weird zone here and I am still completely on topic.  The song we were singing along to was Womanizer.  Let’s just think about that for a moment!  The guy afraid to kiss me…. In the car….chose to play and sing along to Womanizer.  Boy don’t try to front, I know just who you are.

Freedom by Pharrell Williams

You all know about Pavlov’s dog, right?  He rang a bell whenever his dog was eating and eventually the dog would salivate upon simply hearing a bell.  Thanks to Lucy at the YMCA, I now have a sudden urge to do squats whenever I hear the chorus of Freedom.  I joined the YMCA almost 4 years ago and while I wouldn’t quite call it a second home, I would certainly call myself a frequent visitor.  I’ve always been a gym rat as opposed to an athlete.  I don’t play team sports and never have.  The only team I was on was the marching band.  I am however a big fan of individual sports like skiing, swimming, cycling, and ice skating.  I joined the YMCA because of its proximity to the preschool, lots of people I know are members, and you can’t beat the value for the price!  They have a single parent rate, the childcare is included (this is rare in the gym world), a pool, and many, many extra activities like swim lessons, ballet, and cross fit for kids.  I’m a fan.  The kids and I have met several new friends at the Y and it’s a really friendly place. 

Possibly because I was never an athlete, I do much better when I am working out with instructors as opposed to simply working out and developing my own workouts.  Back in the day I was all about step aerobics.  Then came spin which I am grateful is still a thing.  I later started pilates and body pump, then moved into yoga.  The latest and greatest in workouts nowadays is HIIT, which stands for High Intensity Interval Training.  It’s a 25 minute workout which is fantastic for my lifestyle.  I get a head to toe, super challenging workout in under 30 minutes.  All of the instructors at the Y are excellent, but today I’m going to rave about Lucy.  She is creative and challenging, kind and informative, and most of all entertaining.  She also has excellent taste in music, which if we’re being honest, is what makes or breaks a workout for me.  Once in a while she will do a warm up routine that is somewhat choreographed to the music, specifically Freedom.  I say somewhat because really the only choreography is to do squats when he says Freedom.  And thanks to Lucy, I now have a very Pavlovian response to the song.  I resist the temptation almost always because I imagine it would be really odd if I were to start doing squats in the aisle at Safeway.  Freedom!