The Humpty Dance by Digital Underground

"Alright stop what you're doing", I say to my children for not the first time today.  And just like that I am transported back to 7th grade, biting my tongue so I don't continue singing the wholly inappropriate lyrics.  Mind you, the lyrics were no less inappropriate for my 12-year old self.  It's a song about a guy with a big nose who has a lot of sex...in a lot of places....in a lot of positions.  My favorite lyric was about him having sex in a Burger King bathroom.  I'm thankful to say I honestly didn't understand most of the innuendo back then. I grew up naive and am forever grateful that I did.  What I did know was that the song was naughty.

What was even more shocking to me was watching my friend dance to it in my living room.  I remember standing there, mouth likely agape, watching my friend move around in a decidedly sexual and far too mature for us kind of way.  I honestly felt a little uncomfortable watching her because it just felt inappropriate.  I don't know where she learned it - her family didn't have a TV and this was well before the internet.  Perhaps she was already hanging around with older kids.   I don't think it was the actual Humpty Dance, which I can say now with authority because I just googled it.  I also googled "what came before twerking".  I am going to describe what she was doing for you as a combination of freaking and grinding.  To this day these are not dance moves I am capable of pulling off with any hint of seriousness.

Right around the time that song was very popular, I remember being in San Francisco on Pier 39 with my family or maybe on a school field trip.  My dad brags to me that he just saw the Humpty Hump guy.  He said you can't miss the nose.  It would've been a better sell if my dad had said he saw the guy coming out of a Burger King bathroom. Talk about a missed opportunity.  And also, it turns out the big nose was fake - he wore Groucho glasses as part of his alter ego.  Thinking back on all of this, I think it's probably highly unlikely that the Humpty Hump guy would've been wandering around Pier 39, of all places, dressed as his alter ego.  At the time though I chose to believe my dad was just that cool and a keen observer.  In fact, my dad was probably hoping I would go up to him and ask if it was really him. That's my dad's sense of humor in a nutshell.