Friday, May 29, 2020

Supersonic by JJ Fad

When we first moved to Turlock, my dad found an after school program at the Rec Center which had a roller skating rink, a putt putt course, an enormous slide, arcade games, and a snack bar.  There weren't any organized activities we generally had the run of the place.  It was honestly a very cool place to spend time after school and all summer. Way to go Dad!  I became a pretty decent roller skater who could skate forwards and backwards and sideways and even shoot the duck.  I also became quite the Super Mario Bros expert.  This was on the arcade, not the Nintendo.  In other words, my dad's change dish never had any quarters in it.  My favorite part of the Rec Center was getting to man the DJ booth on occasion, which was mostly when there was next to no one there that I could potentially impact.  It was literally a tiny booth on the side of the roller rink.  There were 45s (these are small records for those youngsters who may be reading this) lining the walls and in cartons.  Each 45 was a "single" which is what it sounds like - literally a single song on one side and another song on the reverse side.  Records are not for the faint of heart.  You have to handle them with care so they do not scratch.  You place it on the turntable, turn it on so it starts spinning, then carefully place the needle in the correct place.  There is risk of scratching, which is a horrible noise, putting the needle in the incorrect place, the record skips, you aren't there in time to quickly replace it, leaving dead silence.  It's an art form!

One day a very popular girl in my class hosted her birthday party at the Rec Center.  I was not invited to the party, but since that was my place where I spent my afternoons, I could skate with the girls at the party and show off my skating skills.  At one point in the party, I convinced the DJ, a teenager who I found ever so worldly, to let me show off how cool I was to work the DJ booth.  I probably took a request or two and I most certainly spun a song that I thought would make me look super cool.  Supersonic was a super hot song in 1987.  In the song you get spell out SUPER and any song where you get to spell something out (B-Double E-Double-R-U-N) or count off (a 1-2-3-4!) is a winner in my book.  After the SUPER part, she starts rapping so quickly it turns into nonsense.  It's the best song ever honestly. 

Flash forward to last November.  My son was invited to a birthday party..... AT A ROLLER RINK.  They still exist people and they are exactly the same.  To get in the mood on the way there, I played some roller rink songs in the car.  I could recall every single lyric to the song to my kids' astonishment. The roller rink even had MTV Music Videos from the 80s playing on screens and this guy in his long flowing locks and bell bottoms, skating around like he just jumped off the screen of Boogie Nights.  It was perfection.  Making this even better, if that is possible, is that the mother of the girl celebrating her birthday is on a Roller Derby team. If you have never seen or heard about Roller Derby, check out the movie Whip It and then tell me you want to meet Margaret because she is kind of a badass! 

You see the S is for Super and the U is for Unique.  The P is for Perfection and you know that we are freaks!  The E is for Exotic and the R is for Rap. Supersonic!

Sunday, May 3, 2020

Gaston from Beauty and the Beast

I didn't get to grow up with my cousin Matt.  My uncle (Matt's dad) died when we were 2 years old, but my dad and his brother unfortunately weren't close.  This shouldn't change the fact that we have a very small family (our grandpa was an only child!) and Matt is my first cousin.  About 10 years ago I decided to find my cousin Matt and at the risk of sounding sappy, it was like finding a missing piece. He's like a brother to me and has come to my aid in tough times.  After getting divorced and moving to Martinez and trying to figure out how to navigate the changes and holidays, Matt invited me and the kids to Christmas at his house.  His mom (my AUNT!!) is from a big family with lots and lots of kids and the best part - they all live really close to me.  They are loud and hilarious and welcoming and warm and they love good food and board games.  They embraced me and my kids completely and we have spent every Christmas with them since. 

It's not just Christmas folks.  I have been included in Bunco and the Annual Super Bowl Party, thanks this amazing family, I have met so many wonderful Martinez friends through Bunco and about split my sides laughing.  As for Super Bowl, I can hardly believe I am saying this, considering I used to have an Anti-Super Bowl tradition with my friend Lauren.  We would spend the day together doing anything but watching the Super Bowl - the movies, a hike, shopping, you name it.  Well, Lynn's daughter Ashley hosts an amazing Super Bowl party every year with squares and contests, good people and good eats.  I actually look forward to Super Bowl now. Me, the girl who attended countless football games with the marching band from high school through college, who still conscientiously knows nothing about football, looks forward to the Super Bowl.  This family is truly so special that they have made a convert out of me. 

One year for the Christmas kids gift draw, I got Gaston's name.  Now I know that it isn't pronounced the same way, but when I see it, I immediately start singing the song from Beauty and the Beast.  In my defense, Gaston's dad was awfully hairy when I met him. In the song he boasts that "every last each of me's covered with hair.  I cannot personally attest to that, but he did have a full beard and long hair when I first met him. His mother is, simply put, a beauty inside and out.  I found a children's book called Gaston for him.  That Christmas, during a particularly hilarious board game, Aunt Jan told my kids to go play somewhere else and let their mother have a laugh.  By the end of the night, my stomach hurt from laughing so much.  My family is the best family. 

Thursday, April 30, 2020

Ripple by the Grateful Dead

When I hear the Grateful Dead, it instantly brings me back to my time living in Piedmont.  In fact, I have written about this before.  I lived in that adorable apartment for 2 years and there are plenty of fun memories from that time.  Above all, the Grateful Dead puts me in a contented, relaxed mood.  I can't pinpoint any particular song associated with a specific memory, but the music and the vibe always remind me of Tisha and Jeff.  Jeff's family has a cabin in Pinecrest on the same street as Nick's great aunt and uncle. I met Tisha and Jeff during an epic 3-day weekend in Pinecrest.  Come to find out, they lived just down the street from us in Oakland.  Tisha and I even resemble each other, especially our curly blonde hair.  I seem to remember we have also a mole in the same place.  Or maybe I'm making that up, but it's too weird of a thing to make up.  She will have to confirm, even if she is confirming that I am losing my mind. In any case. it all just seemed serendipitous and Nick and I were beyond thrilled to have met a fun couple who lived very close by, who we both really enjoyed.  Thus began a friendship.

Tisha and I both like to entertain and we threw some very elaborate brunches for the 4 of us.  Tisha is a fantastic cook and I have used quite a few of her ideas and recipes in my own entertaining. They lived in an adorable little house with a great patio in the back. I love her style and her decorating.  Their house makes you feel immediately comfortable.  On brunch days Nick and I could walk down to their house and spend half the day lounging in the sun, eating amazing brunch food, drinking Mimosas, listening to music and laughing.  Often times we'd move on to the (late lamented) Kings X for a beer or two.  Jeff joined Nick's softball team and Tisha and I occasionally got mani-pedis together or played hooky and went to an A's game. They came to all of the events surrounding our wedding.  I once called Jeff late at night when I needed help in an emergency.  I held their first baby for hours when he was first born.  Then they moved up into the Oakland Hills and we moved to the wilds of West Oakland and later Livermore.  Pinecrest weekends also became less frequent in later years and now, for me, they are non-existent.  Between geography and kids and situations, I no longer see them, except for Facebook.  I still think about them though....when I hear the Grateful Dead.  In fact, I think it's time for another brunch!

Sunday, April 26, 2020

Boomerang by JoJo Siwa

I love living in Martinez for many reasons and one of the big ones is the strong sense of community. I have heard from several people who rave about their neighborhood, where the kids all run around together, in and out of each other's houses.  I live in one them and it is exactly how I hoped it would be for raising my kids.  Mind you, it's not exactly like a scene in a movie from the 50s or how it was when I grew up in the 80s.  For example, nowadays showing up unannounced at someone's house is pretty frowned upon.  We also don't just send the kids outside and say, "come back at dinner!".  We literally stand on the sidewalk and tell the kids when it's safe to cross the street and then watch until they are safely inside the neighbor's house. The end result is the same:  It takes a village and I have developed a pretty nice village here. 

My daughter's BFF conveniently lives right across the street.  When her family bought their house, her grandpa came over to see it, pointed to MY house and said that he used to hang out there all the time.  Of course he is talking about my dad and uncle, since I live in the house where my dad grew up. Isn't that fun?!   Her BFF's parents are great - down to earth, easy going, fun people and all around great neighbors.  They just texted me the other night to tell me my car door had been left open.  Tami, her mom, and I relate I think because we both have strong willed children.  This makes our daughter's friendship so perfect - I can count on Tami to say:  "send her over!" just when I'm at my wits' end.  I hope she feels the same away about me. 

In spite of the shelter in place, Lila and her BFF have been conducting very elaborate video play dates.  They discuss all of the latest trends, music, clothing, shows.  They get into very sophisticated, imaginative games and it's pretty fun to listen to them. What I do not enjoy so very much is their obsession with JoJo Siwa.  I suppose I owe my mom an apology for the constant playing of the New Kids on the Block. I've consoled myself because now when I hear the music of JoJo, I associate it with my awesome neighbor Tami who gave us Lila's BFF.  I think the girls are actually playing more now with video and of course Lila's older brother isn't able to bother them quite so easily.  Tami and I have joked that while he is Diarrhea Dexter now, he is going to become Dreamy Dexter in a couple years and then we're all in trouble!

Sunday, April 19, 2020

Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynrd

When I hear the instantly recognizable chords of Sweet Home Alabama kick in, I instantly feel like I want to be at a frat party.  And when I think about frat parties, I think back to my very favorite frat party, Freshman year, in the spring of '96.  It was everything you could want from a party.  I had met up with my Cal Band friends at Kat's dorm in Clark Kerr and we all walked up together.  There were beverages aplenty, good music, lots of dancing, cute boys who weren't in the Band, and please don't ask me for any more specifics because I cannot recall a one.  I do remember what I was wearing, which was a striped, long sleeved top with jeans.  The theme was Mardi Gras and that was my attempt. I was woefully boring when it came to themes, but not to worry, I have completely gotten on board with them since.  I wasn't the only boring one.  Please take a moment to admire everything that is awesome about this picture I found, documenting the evening. 


  • It contains not only Michael and Karen, who you have recently met, it also includes Belinda, the subject of today's story!
  • I am not the only boring dresser.  You'll note Katy's turtleneck and what you cannot see is that Karen is wearing a turtleneck under a blazer.  I mentioned we were at a frat party, yes?  A themed frat party?  All I can say is thank god we grew up in the completely covered up 90's. 
I once shared with you the first person I met in the Cal Band.  Belinda is the first person I met before either one of us joined the Cal Band. I had attended a gathering at TH during Cal Day.  It was a welcome/recruiting event for prospective Cal Band members.  I remember meeting Belinda that day and she was a welcome and familiar face when I finally decided to join the Band!  I could see into her dorm room from my dorm room window and we were even in the same section in the Band. 

Throughout freshman year and especially this night, you can't think about Belinda without thinking about Greg.  Greg was incurably smitten with our Belinda.  (SPOILER ALERT!  Those two got together shortly after this party, got married right after college and are about to celebrate their 20th!) On this evening however, Greg was particularly discouraged and had become amusingly intoxicated.  I was completely on Greg's level myself, for no reason whatsoever.  Rumor has it I was speaking in German on the walk home.  Greg and I conversed and amused folks all the way back to Kat's dorm room.  The rest is history because as I previously stated, I have no further details to share from that evening!  

Friday, April 17, 2020

Centerfold by J Giles Band

It was the fall of 1995 and I was down on Edwards Field with the Cal Band.  If you ask a Cal Bandsman what they majored in, they will often joke that they majored in Band.  In the Fall, our lives were consumed by the Cal Band.  We had rehearsal 4 afternoons/week. On game weeks, we rehearsed 5 afternoons/week, plus Saturday morning prior to the game.  We also had section rehearsals (by instrument and rank) once a week.  There were group bonding events.  Evening events.  We generally socialized together and ate together.  If we had classes together, we studied together.  We were one big (mostly) happy family and I truly cherish my time in the Band as well as the memories and friends I made. 

The Cal Band is incredibly organized.  It is completely student led and run.  Thinking back, I think it's better run, by a bunch of college students no less, than some of the companies I have worked for in my career.   As a Newman (first year Bandsman), and a latecomer at that, there were so many people eager to welcome me and bring me up to speed on all of the traditions and rules of the Cal Band.   The most important of course was the complete and total elimination of anything red in my wardrobe.  I'm not kidding.  You would get pantsed if so much as the red Levi's tag on your jeans pocket was exposed. I learned quickly.  We all did.  To help ensure that we looked and sounded great on the field, we had both DAs (Director's Assistants) and TAs (Teaching Assistants, which were really Marching Assistants, but I guess TA sounds better than MA?). The DAs led the section music rehearsals and the TAs roamed the field and made sure we were in the proper formation, marching in perfect form. 

One of those TAs was Michael and he was also in my section, the 2nd Clarinets. He had an infectious, fun personality and I was always so happy to be around him.  I don't know if he was responsible for putting me in a dance number for the 80s show, but he certainly coached me on the choreography, of that I am certain. The dance numbers were always a hit and I know you non-Cal Bandsmen are all laughing right now, but they absolutely were!  There was so much cheering when we suddenly busted out with a dance routine.  The 80s show featured a dance number at the end of Centerfold.  I would never, ever claim to be the best dancer, but I will learn those moves and perform with enthusiasm. Michael is a person with an undying positive spirit, always full of enthusiasm, and I wanted to make him proud. I only got to enjoy his friendship and fun memories for 2 years.  I spent my junior year abroad which meant I missed his year at the Drum Major, which was also his last year at Cal. Thanks to Facebook, I still get to see what he's up to and thanks to this song, I think of him when I hear it, although my blood doesn't run cold.  He's not a Centerfold.

Friday, April 10, 2020

This is Me from the Greatest Showman Soundtrack

What are you doing, eating, drinking, wearing?  I'm not being nosy, but Gavin is.  The thing about Gavin is that he is genuinely interested in the answers to those questions and he will always share his own situation in response.  I first met Gavin over 3 years ago when I was in Carmel, Indiana training his company on our software.  I only spoke to him for a few minutes, but he left an immediate impression on me. He had completely embraced the product and enforced adoption with his vendors and users.  I was so excited about him and his enthusiasm that I told my Marketing team that he would be an excellent candidate to record a testimonial.  When he told me years later that he once ran for office in his town, I wasn't at all surprised.  I was however surprised that he didn't win the election.

Several years later, Gavin took a more active role with my product and before I knew it, he had found me on LinkedIn, Facebook, and someone even found my cell phone number.  Again, I know you are thinking this guy is super nosy and possibly a little creepy, but I assure you he isn't!  A couple years ago I texted him Merry Christmas.  He responded with a picture of his family in their matching Christmas jammies.  I responded with a picture of me and the kids wearing the EXACT SAME JAMMIES.  They are from Target, so this isn't totally farfetched, but to quote a movie that I haven't actually seen, but somehow still know this:  "Did we just become best friends?!"

If friendship were a superpower, Gavin would be known as SuperFriend.  He truly cares about his friends and he has quite literally become one of my very best friends, which is funny because I haven't seen Gavin in person in over three years.  He has been doing video messages and FaceTime calls before those things became mainstream.  He checks in on me regularly and sends me funny memes or tags me in funny posts. One day he happened to check in on me when I was especially down in the dumps about something.  Or someone.  It was probably a guy. I am always in the dumps about some guy.  Gavin sent me a link to a song and told me to cheer up.  The song was This Is Me and it did cheer me up.  Thanks Buddy!

Sunday, April 5, 2020

Release Me by Wilson Phillips

It was early freshman year.  I was sitting on the quad eating lunch with Mikhaela, Emily, and Katie.  We didn't have open campus, but you were allowed to sit pretty much anywhere you liked at lunchtime.  It wasn't exactly like the movies where every group had a specific table or a spot. At least, I didn't think it was.  There were some big groups of kids, but it was mostly seemed to me to be little groups of 3-6 kids sitting together in various places on campus.  In this story, we were sitting in the northwest corner of the quad, eating our sack lunches.  There were 3 or 4 boys who sat right across from us.  The boys were in the band, like we were, but they were worldly juniors.  I almost certainly had a crush on one of them.  Trumpet players were typically my type.  Sometimes we would talk to them, but we mostly talked ABOUT them.  We were all under the impression that they were talking about us, of course.  

One day they definitely were talking about us or at least they were trying to get our attention.  There was typically music playing over the loudspeakers in the quad, whatever was popular at the time.  The song Release Me by Wilson Phillips was playing.  The boys across from us had created their own lyrics to the song. Instead of singing "I'm just trying to make you see, that baby you've just got to release me" the boys loudly sang:  "I'm just trying to make you see, that baby you've just got to have sex with me".  We giggled of course, but mostly rolled our eyes because it was textbook dumb teenage boy behavior.  It wasn't even clever, it was just dumb.  They certainly got our attention though and that was the point.  What they probably don't know is how memorable it was, since I still cannot listen to that song without hearing their alternate lyrics.  And now, so will you!  Please release me from these lyrics!

Thursday, April 2, 2020

You Learn by Alanis Morissette

All the Jennifers
It was my second year in the Cal Band and we were in LA for the annual road trip.  Every year, the full band travels to LA to play either U$C or fUCLA.  Every other away game during football season was SHB (Straw Hat Band) only.  I had oddly decided to do a hot oil treatment for my hair the night before the trip and as a result, I was very uncomfortable with my oily hair for the next few days.  I have never done a hot oil treatment on my hair again.  The first stop in LA was the SoCal Benefit, which is a fundraising event where we would play for generous alumni and eat a fancy dinner.  That year there were six Jennifers in the Band.  To avoid any confusion, no one called any of us Jennifer or Jen(n) or Jenny.  We were JenStout, JenKlein, JennyHo, etc.  My last name was such a part of my identity that when I got divorced, several of my friends said that they never changed my last name in their phones....even after 9 years!  Is it any wonder I switched back to my maiden name.

Part of the LA trip is the excitement of staying in a hotel.  I was rooming with Jen K and possibly Melinda M and Kristin W, although I cannot remember.  I remember we had just settled into our room and turned on the radio to get the party started.  An Alanis song was playing on one station, so we paused because we all recognized the song.  We then started singing along to the most boring, depressing, un-party-like song of all time. At one point we all looked at each other and collectively realized how lame it was and promptly changed the station.

I cannot remember if we won, but I do remember the game being a bit of a disaster because someone threw an apple at the Trojan horse.  U$C fans and students aren't the nicest people, make no bones about it, but I draw the line at intentionally antagonizing an animal.  I must also confess that I do not remember going to a party in someone's hotel room, but I do know that we did because there is photographic evidence of a party in a hotel room with hideous mid-90's artwork.  There is just something fun about being jammed into a hotel room out of town with your friends and the Cal Band was very good at having fun.  So much fun in fact that the trip left us worn out and exhausted, as evidenced by the picture at the end of the trip....the picture that was completely staged because I wanted to wrap up my photo journey of the weekend.  I'm almost positive Jen and I were giggling behind those pillows.

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

Hangin' Tough by the New Kids on the Block

I have seen the New Kids on the Block in concert 4 times.  I saw them back in 1990 and 3 more times when they came back as grown men (on the block). My sister has of course seen them with me each and every time.  My curly girl Karen has seen them with me twice. Before you ask, yes, they are absolutely the kind of band you need to see more than once.  You may be wondering what makes a New Kids concert so much fun?   I'll tell you! 

Camera phones weren't as sophisticated in 2008
Back in 1990 I was quite literally obsessed.  My room was covered in New Kids posters.  I listened to their albums on repeat.  When I finally saw them in concert, I started crying when they came onstage and didn't stop crying throughout the show.  I was on emotional overload. In fact, when we got to our seats in 2008, my sister turned to me and asked if I was going to start crying again.  I said maybe.  I didn't cry, but I did stand up and jump around and wave my arms back and forth.  It turns out that watching the New Kids in your 30s is a lot like watching the New Kids when you are a tween.  It's all the same people from 1990 doing all the same dance moves and screaming at approximately the same level of ear piercing decibels.  We were even wearing the same clothes.  I had dug out the tshirts I had saved from the 1990 summer tour and the three of us proudly wore them.  After the concert, we spent the night in Karen's guest room in her apartment.  When we woke up, my sister was horrified to find out she had spent the night in a room with Karen's snake.  I could've warned her, but she had teased me about all of the crying.  All's fair in love and sisters, right?

Last year the New Kids went on the Mix Tape tour with a group of artists from the 90s.  The three of us naturally couldn't resist all of the nostalgia.  The show didn't disappoint.  It was like listening to a mix tape.  There were no sets - there were multiple stages and the artists would mix in, even overlapping and mashing things up.  It was as much fun as you would imagine, especially our nostalgic outfits and of course, closing out the show by enthusiastically waving our arm back and forth, blissfully Hangin' Tough with my sister and my curly girl Karen.  

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Wonderwall by Oasis

It was the first week of college or maybe it was even the week before classes officially started.  I had walked down to the campus computer store to pick out my computer.  This was in the early days of the internet, pre-online shopping.  I think it was actually the student store. I bought a Mac, or were they still called Apple Computers in 1995?  I bought it, the whole kit and caboodle, and then hopped in a cab to transport several thousand dollars worth of equipment back to my dorm.  What I did not account for was getting the heavy boxes out of the cab and into the dorm.  I wasn't naive enough to think I could leave them in the cab as I ran them back and forth to the dorm.  I was starting to panic, when I saw two people pushing a cart up the street towards my dorm.  The cart was loaded down with the exact same computer I had just purchased!  This person had put some thought into this computer purchase. She graciously helped me transfer my boxes onto her cart and into my dorm room.  That's the story of my meet cute with Pam. 

Pam and I became really close friends for many, many years.  She was (and I'm sure still is) one of the most independent, driven, fiercely motivated people I have ever met.  She became an ambulance medic while going to Cal.  I cannot remember her major, but I want to say it was something in the sciences.  I remember taking an elective or two with her, most notably Music Appreciation.  She was in the Orchestra at Cal and I was in the Cal Band.  We had a ton in common and always had enormous amounts of fun together, complete with so much laughter.  She was in love with the Oasis hit Wonderwall.  I remember walking arm and arm up Bancroft, singing and harmonizing at the top of our lungs, likely embarrassing anyone who knew us.  It was our song and I always think about her when I hear it. 

After graduating from Cal in 4 years, she then got a job with the Oakland Fire Department and became a Paramedic.  We lost touch, but I do know she later moved to SoCal to attend med school and is now an ER Doctor.  I cannot imagine her working in any other capacity.  The song says it better than I ever could and I think anyone she treats should sing it to her: 

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all, you're my wonderwall

Sunday, March 29, 2020

Another Night by the Real McCoy

The Koelner Dom (Cologne Cathedral) is a sight to behold.  You truly cannot comprehend its splendor and height until you are standing right outside, craning your neck up...up...up.  It stands right outside the train station and as you approach, you catch a glimpse, but you literally cannot see the top until you ascend onto the plaza.  There are plenty of buildings that dwarf the Koelner Dom today, but imagine being the designer, in 1322, of this beauty that took well over 200 years to complete, with a 400 year pause until it was finally completed in 1880.  You never lived to see even a fraction of your masterpiece built.  Imagine that this masterpiece was built completely by hand with none of the safety, machinery, and technology available today.  It is a true testament of Catholicism and intimidation.  When you stand next to it, you feel the power of the church, which was entirely the point.  When I saw the Dom for the first time in the summer of 1993, I fell in love.  When I learned that our junior year class trip was to Koeln, I was thrilled!


There we were, 2 classes of German 16-17 year old students, and me, packed into a train, garnished with streamers.  Think school bus, but the actual Deutsche Bahn (German Railroad), aka public transporation.  We were all surprisingly well behaved and arrived in Koeln together and in one piece.  The field trip was a combination of chaperoned and unchaperoned events such as the theater, the art museum, and a trip to a brewery.  That alone speaks to how different this was from an American field trip, but also the freedom we were given throughout.  A few things stand out in my memory. The first was gathering in the famous Frueh Brauhaus (Brewery).  It was a group of boys from our class.... and me.  There was a toast made and it was sweet and I was happy.  There was also an unspoken contest called "Who will end up with the most Koelschglaeser (Koelsch glasses)".  To clarify, these are glasses we stole.  There are 26 varieties of Koelsch, which is a beer brewed in.... you guessed it, Koeln.  It is served in a 0.2ml glass and each variety has their own logo on the glass. The servings size is so cute and perfect, really a tasting.  They continue to serve you until you put your Bierdeckel (coaster, also branded) on top of your glass, indicating you are done.  I ended up with at least 3 glasses, all now sadly broken.

The other memory and purpose of today's story, is of scaling the Dom with my classmates.  There are 533 steps to the top and they wind up a circular staircase with no windows.  It's intense.  We came up with a song to entertain ourselves to the tune of a big hit of 1993:
Another stair, another step, but always down
It's like a vision of circle that seems to go round
Another stair, another step, but always down
In the Dom I think we'll reach the ground.

....And eventually we did!

Friday, March 13, 2020

Somewhere Now by Green Day


I was driving down 680, windshield wipers going, tears pouring down my face.  I was on my way to an appointment with a therapist and it probably wasn’t raining.  The rain simply adds to the drama of the situation, like any good country song, except that it wasn't a country song.  You get my point. 

I had recently ended things with the first steady relationship of sorts I had been in since my divorce.   I say “of sorts” because it wasn’t exclusive (at least for him), which I knew, and we weren’t meant to be in the long term, which I also knew, but it still hurt.  He behaved badly in the end and he later apologized and made up for things.  However in the moment, it really hurt and I did not take it well.  I was also very disappointed because he was supposed to go to the upcoming Green Day show with me and had booked an AirBnB.  It was going to be an epic show held at the UC Theatre, with a capacity of a mere 1,200 people.  I was going to get to see Green Day, in a very small venue, in a town where they wrote several songs.  I was honestly still in shock that I had managed to score the tickets. 

I had been listening to their new album on repeat in anticipation.  That’s how I found myself driving, tears pouring down my face, listening to Somewhere Now.  “I’m on my way to somewhere now…. I don’t want to be.  Where the future and promises … aren’t what it’s meant to be.  I never wanted to compromise or bargain with myself.”  In spite of my current state of misery, I was suddenly struck by the scene.  I could’ve been in a movie at that moment, blubbering and crying and singing in the car about such a sad, sad moment.  It was so very dramatic!  Our heroine sadly didn’t meet the man of her dreams in the waiting room of the therapist’s office… nor did she get pulled over and the handsome cop took pity on her.  She simply went to her appointment at the horrid Kaiser offices in Walnut Creek where she sat in a chair, not even a couch, an uncomfortable chair, and blubbered for about 45 minutes.  She then picked up the pieces of her life and kept going.  Or as the song says: "Hallelujah she found her soul under the sofa pillow!  Congratulations she found her self - Somewhere Now."  She also had the time of her life at the show.  Logan is the world’s best wing woman – together we pulled up our boots (over the knee for her, original Doc’s for me), let down our hair, and rocked out in the pit, close enough to see the band’s facial expressions.  Unforgettable night. 

Monday, March 2, 2020

The Humpty Dance by Digital Underground

"Alright stop what you're doing", I say to my children for not the first time today.  And just like that I am transported back to 7th grade, biting my tongue so I don't continue singing the wholly inappropriate lyrics.  Mind you, the lyrics were no less inappropriate for my 12-year old self.  It's a song about a guy with a big nose who has a lot of sex...in a lot of places....in a lot of positions.  My favorite lyric was about him having sex in a Burger King bathroom.  I'm thankful to say I honestly didn't understand most of the innuendo back then. I grew up naive and am forever grateful that I did.  What I did know was that the song was naughty.

What was even more shocking to me was watching my friend dance to it in my living room.  I remember standing there, mouth likely agape, watching my friend move around in a decidedly sexual and far too mature for us kind of way.  I honestly felt a little uncomfortable watching her because it just felt inappropriate.  I don't know where she learned it - her family didn't have a TV and this was well before the internet.  Perhaps she was already hanging around with older kids.   I don't think it was the actual Humpty Dance, which I can say now with authority because I just googled it.  I also googled "what came before twerking".  I am going to describe what she was doing for you as a combination of freaking and grinding.  To this day these are not dance moves I am capable of pulling off with any hint of seriousness.

Right around the time that song was very popular, I remember being in San Francisco on Pier 39 with my family or maybe on a school field trip.  My dad brags to me that he just saw the Humpty Hump guy.  He said you can't miss the nose.  It would've been a better sell if my dad had said he saw the guy coming out of a Burger King bathroom. Talk about a missed opportunity.  And also, it turns out the big nose was fake - he wore Groucho glasses as part of his alter ego.  Thinking back on all of this, I think it's probably highly unlikely that the Humpty Hump guy would've been wandering around Pier 39, of all places, dressed as his alter ego.  At the time though I chose to believe my dad was just that cool and a keen observer.  In fact, my dad was probably hoping I would go up to him and ask if it was really him. That's my dad's sense of humor in a nutshell. 

Sunday, January 12, 2020

Womanizer by Britney Spears


I was recently talking to my driver about my semi-serious intention to pursue a side career as a stand up comic. Yes, I have a driver, but before you start thinking I am so very fancy, he is not my personal driver. My company has an agreement with a car service that we can use instead of Uber when we are in Dallas.  The car service only has Teslas, they plant a tree every time you book a ride, and why yes, maybe I am that fancy.  Use eCarra.  They are awesome.  Anyway, back to my career in comedy.  Are you laughing yet? 

My driver asked what my punchline is and I said that I do not have one yet, but my future agent also said I need one.  I started to fret because just like my former blog, not this blog, I worried that I didn’t have a theme, a hook, a voice, whatever you want to call it, I worried that I didn’t have one.  He said I should tell dating stories.  He also said I’m cute enough to pull it off, which I am not sure is completely relevant, but I will take the compliment.  I proceeded to tell him a dating story.  

I once went on a date with a recovering Latter Day Saint.  He asked what on earth that meant and I explained that the guy was from Utah, but no longer part of the church. After our first date, I invited him to take me to a birthday party in Sonoma.  He had a convertible and I thought he would be fun for the day and he generally was.  We had good conversation on the drive up and he was confident enough at a party full of people he had never met.  I like this because it leaves me free to be the social butterfly I am.  On our way back, stopped at a red light in American Canyon, I leaned over to kiss him in the car.  He recoils, horrified, and says that people will see.  I was mystified and asked if he meant the person in the car behind us?  I then turned and waved at the person behind us who waved back.  My date then accused me of being an exhibitionist, noting that I kissed him in front of the car after the party.  Outside the car, where people would see.  THE HORROR.  Apparently this one was still very much a recovering Latter Day Saint and for me, that was a deal breaker.  There are plenty of things I could and would do in public that would shock the hell out of him, but kissing shouldn’t be one of them. 

I’m so distracted by the weirdness that I almost forgot to explain the relevance of the song.  He put some music on in the car.  Not just any music, he played Britney Spears.  You know what, scratch that, we are still in the weird zone here and I am still completely on topic.  The song we were singing along to was Womanizer.  Let’s just think about that for a moment!  The guy afraid to kiss me…. In the car….chose to play and sing along to Womanizer.  Boy don’t try to front, I know just who you are.

Saturday, January 11, 2020

Freedom by Pharrell Williams


You all know about Pavlov’s dog, right?  He rang a bell whenever his dog was eating and eventually the dog would salivate upon simply hearing a bell.  Thanks to Lucy at the YMCA, I now have a sudden urge to do squats whenever I hear the chorus of Freedom.  I joined the YMCA almost 4 years ago and while I wouldn’t quite call it a second home, I would certainly call myself a frequent visitor.  I’ve always been a gym rat as opposed to an athlete.  I don’t play team sports and never have.  The only team I was on was the marching band.  I am however a big fan of individual sports like skiing, swimming, cycling, and ice skating.  I joined the YMCA because of its proximity to the preschool, lots of people I know are members, and you can’t beat the value for the price!  They have a single parent rate, the childcare is included (this is rare in the gym world), a pool, and many, many extra activities like swim lessons, ballet, and cross fit for kids.  I’m a fan.  The kids and I have met several new friends at the Y and it’s a really friendly place. 

Possibly because I was never an athlete, I do much better when I am working out with instructors as opposed to simply working out and developing my own workouts.  Back in the day I was all about step aerobics.  Then came spin which I am grateful is still a thing.  I later started pilates and body pump, then moved into yoga.  The latest and greatest in workouts nowadays is HIIT, which stands for High Intensity Interval Training.  It’s a 25 minute workout which is fantastic for my lifestyle.  I get a head to toe, super challenging workout in under 30 minutes.  All of the instructors at the Y are excellent, but today I’m going to rave about Lucy.  She is creative and challenging, kind and informative, and most of all entertaining.  She also has excellent taste in music, which if we’re being honest, is what makes or breaks a workout for me.  Once in a while she will do a warm up routine that is somewhat choreographed to the music, specifically Freedom.  I say somewhat because really the only choreography is to do squats when he says Freedom.  And thanks to Lucy, I now have a very Pavlovian response to the song.  I resist the temptation almost always because I imagine it would be really odd if I were to start doing squats in the aisle at Safeway.  Freedom!